Bringing the darkness to the light.
Today I will be writing about my process of observation and inquiry to see where the pattern of feeling upset after a day of joy was coming from.
My partner and I began by looking at my feelings when I felt conflict after a joyous day. Being very honest with myself and without judgment, I allowed myself to see and feel all of the hidden and suppressed emotions- frustration, sadness, anger, rage, guilt, resentment, pity, powerlessness, shame, and sorrow to name some. As these feelings started to sink in, I felt like running away or just quitting the exercise because it was that uncomfortable. I recognized that I had been running away from these feelings for years! But this time I was willing to not run away for the first time.
My prayer for healing this pattern was so strong that it helped me to actually sit with and observe the emotions. Joining with the Spirit was the only way I could get through this without falling into harsh self-judgment.
So once we identified all of the emotions I experienced through this pattern