joy

The need for vigilance, observing the ego mind.

The need for vigilance, observing the ego mind.

Thank you for joining me this far for part 6 of 9. If you are just reading this now, you may want to start at part 1. Or not!

As we saw with my example, it is so easy to get caught up in our perceptions before we spiral out of control. A miracle is always awaiting us, but it is impossible for us to accept it when we are on autopilot. In my own path, I have learned the importance of being very aware of the fear mind taking over.

Often we place the responsibility of our joy to something or someone else. It’s rare that we are taught that we have the ability to change our whole experience from within ourselves. We are used to playing the blame game, and that never leads us to peace. With this mindset, we pretend to

From Victimhood to Freedom

From Victimhood to Freedom

I went from being a victim of the world to accepting a 100% responsibility for all that I was experiencing.

Now, I have heard several authors and speakers say that we repeat situations when we haven’t learned all the lessons that the situation has to offer. Recognizing that I was repeating the pattern of feeling upset after a happy day, I had to ask myself what lessons did I still need to learn? What are the positive teachings of this experience in my life?

Of course, I saw a part of my mind saying "I’m not learning anything from having a bad day.” It was interesting to observe this thought, but I wanted to be really honest with myself. So I got quiet and sincerely asked what I was still learning from experiencing upset and conflict.

What I found

Bringing The Darkness to the Light.

Bringing The Darkness to the Light.

Bringing the darkness to the light.

Today I will be writing about my process of observation and inquiry to see where the pattern of feeling upset after a day of joy was coming from.

My partner and I began by looking at my feelings when I felt conflict after a joyous day. Being very honest with myself and without judgment, I allowed myself to see and feel all of the hidden and suppressed emotions- frustration, sadness, anger, rage, guilt, resentment, pity, powerlessness, shame, and sorrow to name some. As these feelings started to sink in, I felt like running away or just quitting the exercise because it was that uncomfortable. I recognized that I had been running away from these feelings for years! But this time I was willing to not run away for the first time.

My prayer for healing this pattern was so strong that it helped me to actually sit with and observe the emotions. Joining with the Spirit was the only way I could get through this without falling into harsh self-judgment.

So once we identified all of the emotions I experienced through this pattern

One day up, One day down.

One day up, One day down.

One day up, One day down.

part 2 of 9

I had been with my partner Paulette for two years, and we had gone through a lot of experiences, healings, and journeys together. One day we had such a magical day, where everything was flowing easily and gracefully. I woke up the next morning, and everything was pissing me off. Nothing about the environment was different from the day before- the kitchen was the same, the food was the same, the weather was the same, etc. But I was very upset at everything and anything. Seeing the smallest thing like an unwashed mug in the sink created an explosion of rage within me, and that seemed to affect the whole day. I knew this all too well, that I would hold onto this feeling for the whole day. Everything that crossed my path became the perfect excuse to project all of my upsets.

At some point, Paulette asked me, “Did you notice that every day after a fun and happy day, you seem to get upset? I’ve never seen you happy two days in a row.”

This conversation made me stop and reflect on my life.

Worry Keeps Us Away from Joy

Worry Keeps Us Away from Joy

Worry Keeps Us Away from Joy

part 1 of 9

Looking inward at my life and why I wasn’t experiencing my December joy throughout the year, I found that I was focused on worries in my everyday life. I used to hear people in my family say, "Each day comes with its own calamities". It was as if the tasks of the day came with the feeling that they were actually problems, robbing me of joy and gratitude. Then I noticed phrases creeping in my mind such as, "Everything would be great if not for having to wash all these dirty dishes" or "Everything in my day was going so well until that person looked at me that way." This way of thinking was impregnated with fear and other uncomfortable emotions. I held onto guilt or resentment as a barrier so that I could avoid experiencing those situations again, which ultimately led to me feeling isolated.  I was so accustomed to living on the defensive and I felt I was constantly on-edge.


We as humans often live with worry every day! We are occupied with a multitude of hypothetical thoughts of avoiding uncomfortable feelings or seeking to gain what gives us pleasure. Our minds are filled with analyzing who or what will generate pain, conflict or other emotions that we want to avoid or, on the contrary

The Joys of December

The Joys of December

The month of December for me has always been a symbol of celebration. Growing up, I always looked forward to this time of the year. I recently asked myself, “What about this month is so special and appealing to me?” My memories around this time of the year were always fun with family and close friends. It just felt so good to feel the constant presence of joy in my heart!

Why didn’t I feel that same joy in all the other months of the year?