Last night, I found myself in a deep dreamlike state. For the past several weeks, I have woken up with a crick in my neck. Now, anytime I have some sort of physical symptoms in the form of pain, I take note. For me, physical pain is an indicator that my subconscious mind is trying to tell me to pay attention. So while dreaming, I found myself doing ThetaHealing on myself. I traveled to ancestors and past-lives, floating in and out of timelines, reclaiming some part of myself and the feminine that had been lost. I noticed that I changed my sleeping position at the end of each healing timeline. Each subsequent position throughout the night took me to a new sensation in my body and feeling memory from somewhere in the past. This continued until I found myself laying flat on my back around 5:00AM, breathing easily, as if the full healing was then complete.
Thank you for joining me this far for part 6 of 9. If you are just reading this now, you may want to start at part 1. Or not!
As we saw with my example, it is so easy to get caught up in our perceptions before we spiral out of control. A miracle is always awaiting us, but it is impossible for us to accept it when we are on autopilot. In my own path, I have learned the importance of being very aware of the fear mind taking over.
Often we place the responsibility of our joy to something or someone else. It’s rare that we are taught that we have the ability to change our whole experience from within ourselves. We are used to playing the blame game, and that never leads us to peace. With this mindset, we pretend to
I went from being a victim of the world to accepting a 100% responsibility for all that I was experiencing.
Now, I have heard several authors and speakers say that we repeat situations when we haven’t learned all the lessons that the situation has to offer. Recognizing that I was repeating the pattern of feeling upset after a happy day, I had to ask myself what lessons did I still need to learn? What are the positive teachings of this experience in my life?
Of course, I saw a part of my mind saying "I’m not learning anything from having a bad day.” It was interesting to observe this thought, but I wanted to be really honest with myself. So I got quiet and sincerely asked what I was still learning from experiencing upset and conflict.
What I found
Bringing the darkness to the light.
Today I will be writing about my process of observation and inquiry to see where the pattern of feeling upset after a day of joy was coming from.
My partner and I began by looking at my feelings when I felt conflict after a joyous day. Being very honest with myself and without judgment, I allowed myself to see and feel all of the hidden and suppressed emotions- frustration, sadness, anger, rage, guilt, resentment, pity, powerlessness, shame, and sorrow to name some. As these feelings started to sink in, I felt like running away or just quitting the exercise because it was that uncomfortable. I recognized that I had been running away from these feelings for years! But this time I was willing to not run away for the first time.
My prayer for healing this pattern was so strong that it helped me to actually sit with and observe the emotions. Joining with the Spirit was the only way I could get through this without falling into harsh self-judgment.
So once we identified all of the emotions I experienced through this pattern
One day up, One day down.
part 2 of 9
I had been with my partner Paulette for two years, and we had gone through a lot of experiences, healings, and journeys together. One day we had such a magical day, where everything was flowing easily and gracefully. I woke up the next morning, and everything was pissing me off. Nothing about the environment was different from the day before- the kitchen was the same, the food was the same, the weather was the same, etc. But I was very upset at everything and anything. Seeing the smallest thing like an unwashed mug in the sink created an explosion of rage within me, and that seemed to affect the whole day. I knew this all too well, that I would hold onto this feeling for the whole day. Everything that crossed my path became the perfect excuse to project all of my upsets.
At some point, Paulette asked me, “Did you notice that every day after a fun and happy day, you seem to get upset? I’ve never seen you happy two days in a row.”
This conversation made me stop and reflect on my life.
La preocupación nos mantiene alejados de la alegría
parte 1 de 9.
Reflexionando sobre mi vida en mi interior y sobre por qué no estaba experimentando la alegría de diciembre durante todo el año, descubrí que estaba concentrado en las preocupaciones de mi vida diaria. Solía escuchar a la gente de mi familia decir: "cada día viene con sus propias calamidades". Era como si las tareas del día vinieran con la sensación de que en realidad eran problemas, que me robaban la alegría y la gratitud. Luego me di cuenta de que en mi mente había frases como: "Todo sería genial si no fuera por tener que lavar todos estos platos sucios" o "Todo en mi día iba tan bien hasta que esa persona me miró de esa manera". Esta forma de pensar estaba impregnada de miedo y otras emociones incómodas. Me aferré a la culpa o al resentimiento como una barrera para poder evitar experimentar esas situaciones nuevamente, lo que finalmente me llevó a sentirme aislado. Estaba tan acostumbrado a vivir a la defensiva y sentía que estaba constantemente en el límite.
¡Nosotros como humanos a menudo vivimos con preocupación todos los días! Estamos ocupados con una multitud de pensamientos hipotéticos de evitar sentimientos incómodos o de buscar lo que nos da placer. Nuestras mentes están llenas de analizar quién o qué generará dolor, conflicto u otras emociones que deseamos evitar o, por el contrario
The month of December for me has always been a symbol of celebration. Growing up, I always looked forward to this time of the year. I recently asked myself, “What about this month is so special and appealing to me?” My memories around this time of the year were always fun with family and close friends. It just felt so good to feel the constant presence of joy in my heart!
Why didn’t I feel that same joy in all the other months of the year?