Not Hiding My Shadows to Allow the Miracle
When I allowed myself to get still, I started to get in touch with how vast my self-hatred was. I had never realized how unhappy I felt nor had I realized how addicted I was to feel bad. It was as if my joy and happiness were not a priority. I really thought I wanted to love, but my life showed me all of the resistance I had.
I was tired of having to judge who I could give love to and trust and who I had to avoid. Every time I created that distance from whomever or whatever I was judging, I felt much more distant from my own heart and more distant from my own joy. It was as if I had a wide mosaic of enemies surrounding me, constantly on-guard in case any of those voracious and unscrupulous beasts would steal my well-being. I was a victim of my own beliefs, ideas, and interpretations.
As I started to become