Healing

It's About Practice

It's About Practice

It is About Practice

Thank you for following this 9-part journey so far. If you haven’t started from the beginning, you may want to consider starting here.

Today’s post is about how I approach my days now and the first steps in practicing awareness throughout your days.

Instead of my days being full of blame and denial, I open myself to actually looking at my blind spots. Sometimes I am shown through others and sometimes I have the awareness to see it myself. It’s not that we shouldn’t get upset, it’s that we don’t need to justify it.

After a lot of mind-training,

Not Hiding My Shadows to Allow the Miracle

Not Hiding My Shadows to Allow the Miracle

Not Hiding My Shadows to Allow the Miracle

When I allowed myself to get still, I started to get in touch with how vast my self-hatred was. I had never realized how unhappy I felt nor had I realized how addicted I was to feel bad. It was as if my joy and happiness were not a priority. I really thought I wanted to love, but my life showed me all of the resistance I had.

I was tired of having to judge who I could give love to and trust and who I had to avoid. Every time I created that distance from whomever or whatever I was judging, I felt much more distant from my own heart and more distant from my own joy. It was as if I had a wide mosaic of enemies surrounding me, constantly on-guard in case any of those voracious and unscrupulous beasts would steal my well-being. I was a victim of my own beliefs, ideas, and interpretations.

As I started to become

One day up, One day down.

One day up, One day down.

One day up, One day down.

part 2 of 9

I had been with my partner Paulette for two years, and we had gone through a lot of experiences, healings, and journeys together. One day we had such a magical day, where everything was flowing easily and gracefully. I woke up the next morning, and everything was pissing me off. Nothing about the environment was different from the day before- the kitchen was the same, the food was the same, the weather was the same, etc. But I was very upset at everything and anything. Seeing the smallest thing like an unwashed mug in the sink created an explosion of rage within me, and that seemed to affect the whole day. I knew this all too well, that I would hold onto this feeling for the whole day. Everything that crossed my path became the perfect excuse to project all of my upsets.

At some point, Paulette asked me, “Did you notice that every day after a fun and happy day, you seem to get upset? I’ve never seen you happy two days in a row.”

This conversation made me stop and reflect on my life.

Worry Keeps Us Away from Joy

Worry Keeps Us Away from Joy

Worry Keeps Us Away from Joy

part 1 of 9

Looking inward at my life and why I wasn’t experiencing my December joy throughout the year, I found that I was focused on worries in my everyday life. I used to hear people in my family say, "Each day comes with its own calamities". It was as if the tasks of the day came with the feeling that they were actually problems, robbing me of joy and gratitude. Then I noticed phrases creeping in my mind such as, "Everything would be great if not for having to wash all these dirty dishes" or "Everything in my day was going so well until that person looked at me that way." This way of thinking was impregnated with fear and other uncomfortable emotions. I held onto guilt or resentment as a barrier so that I could avoid experiencing those situations again, which ultimately led to me feeling isolated.  I was so accustomed to living on the defensive and I felt I was constantly on-edge.


We as humans often live with worry every day! We are occupied with a multitude of hypothetical thoughts of avoiding uncomfortable feelings or seeking to gain what gives us pleasure. Our minds are filled with analyzing who or what will generate pain, conflict or other emotions that we want to avoid or, on the contrary