One day up, One day down.
part 2 of 9
I had been with my partner Paulette for two years, and we had gone through a lot of experiences, healings, and journeys together. One day we had such a magical day, where everything was flowing easily and gracefully. I woke up the next morning, and everything was pissing me off. Nothing about the environment was different from the day before- the kitchen was the same, the food was the same, the weather was the same, etc. But I was very upset at everything and anything. Seeing the smallest thing like an unwashed mug in the sink created an explosion of rage within me, and that seemed to affect the whole day. I knew this all too well, that I would hold onto this feeling for the whole day. Everything that crossed my path became the perfect excuse to project all of my upsets.
At some point, Paulette asked me, “Did you notice that every day after a fun and happy day, you seem to get upset? I’ve never seen you happy two days in a row.”
This conversation made me stop and reflect on my life. It was true! I could see a pattern of experiencing a happy day followed by a day of complete discomfort, anger, annoyance, stress and tension. My life felt like a very intense roller coaster ride. One day would be a high peak of joy and laughter, and the next day, Boom! I would have a day full of conflict and intense suffering.
I had been so immersed in that pattern that it felt normal. I didn’t know another way. I comforted myself by thinking, "Well, that's how life is- one day up, one day down".
My partner extended the invitation to look at this pattern with me and with a lot of courage, I was willing to question whether my way of seeing things was accurate. I had to ask myself, “Do I really want to live life holding onto suffering and pain?”
Sometimes we come to a point in our lives where we aren’t willing to keep living the same way, where we feel so sick of our old patterns that we can’t handle it anymore. Often we don’t know what to do at this point, but if we pay close attention to those experiences in our lives, we can see that from deep in our heart we say to ourselves, “There has to be another way to live”. Tomorrow I will share how I was able to make a shift, and how you can too.