Bringing the darkness to the light.
parte 3 de 9
Written by Cristhian Felipe Marín.
Today I will be writing about my process of observation and inquiry to see where the pattern of feeling upset after a day of joy was coming from.
My partner and I began by looking at my feelings when I felt conflict after a joyous day. Being very honest with myself and without judgment, I allowed myself to see and feel all of the hidden and suppressed emotions- frustration, sadness, anger, rage, guilt, resentment, pity, powerlessness, shame, and sorrow to name some. As these feelings started to sink in, I felt like running away or just quitting the exercise because it was that uncomfortable. I recognized that I had been running away from these feelings for years! But this time I was willing to not run away for the first time.
My prayer for healing this pattern was so strong that it helped me to actually sit with and observe the emotions. Joining with the Spirit was the only way I could get through this without falling into harsh self-judgment.
So once we identified all of the emotions I experienced through this pattern, we queried when this began. I found that actually, I had been experiencing these feelings my whole life! We experience patterns in our lives simply because there’s something that our subconscious mind is trying to bring to our conscious awareness. And finally, it was time to bring it to the light.
I noticed that my state of peace had been completely dependent on my judgment of a situation. As a simple example, I saw that if the kitchen was completely messy before I was going to cook, I felt very upset. My emotions were affected by the state around me. I was not willing to take 100% responsibility of my own state of mind and emotions. It was as if I could only feel content if every single thing around me was perfect.
The next step was to see the motivation behind the set of emotions I was experiencing. “What is this for?” is the question that came. I realized that having a conflict after a day of joy allowed me to keep growing and not stay in a comfort zone of stagnation. Through that, we found that I was holding onto the belief that “feeling suffering and pain helps me grow”.
Finding the motivation behind this pattern and the belief I was holding on to was illuminating because now I could choose again. Did I want to hold onto the pain and suffering I felt or did I want to have an experience of peace and joy? The choice was clear, and just by bringing awareness to this choice, I felt expansive and my heart was filled with ease. I fully renounced being right about this belief and I gave up these beliefs through sincere prayer.
How can you also do this? When you go deep and find in your heart what it is that you are really tired of experiencing, invite the Spirit within you, go deep, and feel what is holding it there. What is your obstacle to joy? And once you can recognize the emotions (you don’t even need to name them as long as you are feeling them), you can see what beliefs you are holding onto.
Now, allow yourself to ask if you are willing to be open to an experience without those beliefs even if it comes with uncertainty. Trust in the divine is the key to releasing the beliefs and allowing the healing to happen. Give it all to the divine. Then you can move forward in your life from suffering and you can begin to experience higher states of awareness of the Presence of Love within yourself.
This process requires a lot of mind-training and a lot of willingness because “Problems cannot be solved with the same mindset that created them” to quote Albert Einstein. This is why it is important to join with the Divine Self within.
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below. If you would like guidance for any obstacle you are experiencing, we offer different healing sessions that could help. You can write to firstname.lastname@example.org or message us on the contact page.